What is and What isn't.

"16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

My mind makes me feel unsafe no matter where I am. Am I in all the wrong places? Am I doing everything wrong? I know that I failed so many times in my life, and there are too many almosts than I'd like to count. That would be too heavy a weight. I know that it's all on me. I fell apart at every sign of a struggle. I didn't want to do it. Instead, I just gave up. The number of things I can accomplish feels so much less than when I was younger. The sad thing is that I don't really know if that is true. 

I am comparing myself to everyone and everything that I see. People who struggled and got somewhere. Those who struggled but didn't get anywhere. I compare myself to what I could have been. I see a whole different life when I look through my eyes. When I look at myself and wonder what would've been if I weren't afraid. If I were afraid and still moved forward. If I fell and the crash wasn't all that bad. What did I really keep myself from? 

I always go back to thinking of my accident when it comes to things like this. It stands out that God didn't allow me to see any of the accident as my body was experiencing it. Only those who seen the accident and those who examined my body can tell me what happened. I  only recall waking up in the hospital, and the angel that looked like a mermaid telling me that It would be okay. Looking back. All I needed to do was continue that path.